Goals.

I never really had a goal or anything I really wanted to achieve anything. So this is my small attempt to really try to achieve something other than a pass in uni.

Firstly, I need to save up around five hundred dollars for hillsong, for accomodation and other expenses. Not so excited for it right now, probably because of homework and assesment I should be doing right now.

Second, I want to lose like 5-10 kilos, oddly just realising the fact that I've been eating junk almost everyday. Must not eat delicious chicken nugggets!

Third, save up some money so I can actually say I have a savings account. It's pretty shameful right now. I literally can't buy anything except for train tickets and food. Don't ask why.

Fourth, I've always wanted to buy a camera. Not really sure If I want to buy one since everyone is getting into photography. But I will never cease to appreciate the wonders of landscape, cityscape and architecture. Probably been done before, but I can still stare at it for hours just in amazement. Not in public, that's why if I had a camera I could preserve the moment and do it in my own comfort. So this is goal is to decide whether or not I want to buy a camera.

Fifth, I would like to be able to keep my room clean for a week. Sounds easy but as soon as laziness and apathy come into play, it aint a pretty picture. Ideally I'd try to keep it clean two or three days in a row. We'll see what happens.

Sixth, I want to start talking to the people I know I can trust. Simply earning trust by entrusting.

Seventh, Pray to God daily, Read my bible daily, and be happy that he's got my back all the way.

So there we have it seven goals. First seven I have ever put up for myself let's see what happens ideally I'd like to achieve everything by the end of the year. So for the people who still read my blog, I'll stay accountable to you. Thanks.

"If anyone could make me a better person you could, all I gotta say is I must have done something good" - Relient K

Peter.

I realise.

"Nothing I could can ever say, How much I love you."

Trust is earnt by entrusting. That's my life lesson.

"baby stepps" - Angeline Nguyen

Peter.

Oh the Uni life.

It’s been about a month worth of Uni and I’ve hit the road block created by stress, lack of sleep, procrastination and ultimately laziness. I’d usually write a small story with some profound insight (at least for me anyway) but I feel that this deserves to be cut straight to the point. So here we go.

For the past few weeks we’ve had this assignment due in. I thought it would be fine so I decided I would start it yesterday night. But as I went through it I began to realise that what I knew was inadequate, so I spent about four hours staring at my screen trying to figure out something. All the while I was walking around trying to find some inspiration to finish my assignment, well at least start it anyway. So as I hit the second hours of the next day I decided I’d wake up early and maybe my mind would be a bit clearer. So I did that and woke up at the ninth hour. Three hours later still no success.

So I decided to go to Uni and go to the student learning centre and hope that they could help me out because apparently people “can’t believe they’d never gone to the centre before”. Well I went there waited for about an hour and a half and they closed without getting around to me. I was just about to break and I remembered I had my tutor’s phone number. I felt bad ashamed and unhopeful in that situation, but I felt this was my last resort because I knew even if I went home that night, it would end up the in the same result of me staring blankly at the screen for a further few hours. See in this situation I was so ridiculously scared, because for so long people have been telling me that no one in Uni cares about you and if you fall behind you’re screwed. So yeah despite all that I called him and told him that I was pretty much screwed and I received this unexpected response. “Oh I see, well lets meet up Monday for coffee straight after the lecture and I’ll help you out”. I responded with “Pardon can you repeat that last part again?”. And he replies with the same response. I was almost in a state of shock and replied “wow thank you so much”. And this rocked my world when he said “Don’t worry mate, that’s what I’m here for”. I almost cried after hearing that. Amazing grace, aye? All I can really say is thank you Mr. Watts.

I don’t deserve this kind of “Love” so to speak but he gave it anyway. Just reminds me of how Jesus loved me to the cross. I didn’t deserve it but he gave it anyway. Pretty amazing how God can teach us a lesson even in an unexpected way.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me”

Peter.

What to write.

A whole month, without hearing a thing. It's scary to not know what happened when the not so obvious disappearance of someone you know is left with no answers. It's like those moments where you are like "Oh yeah I wonder where (person) is". We would assume that the best feeling would be knowing that they are in ok, but the way it goes for me is more of an "oh cool(sarcastically)" kind of response. I guess it's because really everything just returns to normal and well normal does tend to get boring at times. Maybe I'm just a bit selfish who knows. We all want something different and fresh. I think I know where to find it, do you? Thrill seekers perhaps.

Eighteen is double of nine. Too imagine that only nine years ago I was in grade 3. My have I grown in both height and width. All the good times and the bad the journey of being an official adult awaits me. I'm not really that excited about it, nor do I really care. I learnt that numbers really mean nothing at all, without a context that is. Take for example the number "8", how can you describe it? Well you can't because apart from "8" being one more than "7" it means nothing at all. I see my age as a number, something that just happens. The only thing that really makes it special wasn't determined by me but by the fact that our government gives us more privileges at this age. Whatever.

I want Him to matter because only until he matters will they matter, and only until they matter will others matter, and only until others matter will she matter. What's the matter?

"I just wanna live"- Good Charlotte

Peter.

Really?

You know what they say. "You lose a few, you gain a few", it's not true. Gaining something as a replacement is never as good as the original. I want them back. Hi?

"Just keep me where the light is" - John Mayer

Peter.

Where I'm at.

I recently discovered after many hours of thinking that I tend to blog in different phases according to my current living situation. My mind has drifted to something new and old at the same time. It brings back memories which create new ones. When something becomes more something always lessens. The vast open fields of thought have been closed to the countless hours of smashing pixels to the ground. I suppose when I'm not blogging I'm doing something even less productive. The last few weeks of my holidays are running away from me. Maybe it's time to start something new.

To be honest I'm really afraid of my new role as a Youth leader. I'm afraid that what I say may not be one hundred percent correct at times. I really need to work on it I suppose. It's all far to new for me. I guess I'll find out sooner or later if I dived in to it too fast.

That's where I'm at right now I suppose, I don't usually blog like this, just saying everything out right that is. I just guess my lack of thought in recent days hasn't allowed me to do so. This will have to do for now.

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say" - Jeremy Van

Peter.

Why?

The young boy sat there watching the waves demolish the last of the once great fortress. The natural flow of the monstrous rush of water is drawn by the gravity of the great night light taking out everything in its path. Extraordinary oranges and dark reds flooded the skies as the source of light begins to drift behind the horizon. The boy closes his eyes and allows his mind to embrace the moment with the warm sand between his fingers and crisp breeze blowing through his hair. He thinks to himself with his eyes still shut "I wonder if she's still watching me. Heh, that letter still makes me happy".

-

In every beautiful situation it is the matter of detail which draws the artists master piece. If only my articulation ability and vocabulary could describe what I see in my mind. I guess for now this will have to do.

I write as though she is still reading it. That's why.

"U do"- Big sister

Peter.